I am so very tired of depression. Why is it so strong that it can grab me within hours or minutes of being with another person and having a fine time? Why doesn’t it stay away for awhile and give me a damn break? Why can’t I make the times and feelings of togetherness last? Why does it seem I come back to “always being alone?” (As I say that, I know it’s a distortion, but it sure seems real, often)
Depression sucks. Negative thinking sucks. Loneliness sucks. This “job” of being human sucks for me at this moment. Sucks sucks sucks. I’m tired of distracting and soothing and reaching out and reaching in and using the tools I have. Why do I have to try so hard all the damn time? WHY?