I hate depression.

I hate chronic illness and pain.

I hate waking up sick.

I hate feeling anxious and frightened upon waking.

I hate knowing I have much to be grateful for and that not being enough.

I hate thinking propelling myself off a building or cliff is what I should do and thinking it repeatedly.

I hate knowing I am the only one who can change my life, yet feeling I barely have enough energy to breathe and get through the day.

I hate being miserable and wafting that misery wherever I go.

I hate that there aren’t anti depressants to help me.

I hate crying day after day after day.

I hate the knots in my stomach and body, chunks of anxiety and pain.

I hate feeling like I come up against a brick wall everywhere I turn.

I hate knowing there are people who care for me and not being able to take more strength and pleasure in that.

I hate feeling like a broken record.

I hate feeling my life is pointless.

I am SO INCREDIBLY tired of this and I hate not knowing what to do any longer.


4 thoughts on “

  1. Heidi.
    I hate that you feel this way too. But I love that you can find the strength to talk about it.
    I hate that you feel that you have nothing to look forward too yet you may be looking in all the wrong places.
    I hate that you feel that your not worthy of love an affection yet you show so much to so many.
    I hate that you dont see the light at the end of the tunnel yet you fail to see the light you shine on others.
    I hate Depression as much as the next person yet I love that it can be overcome.
    I hate that you feel that your fighting a losing battle yet you are always first to help others fight theirs.
    I hate that this world has been unkind to you yet I found you through that unkindness an I love that my life is better with you in it.
    I hate that our brains trick us so many times yet the same brain keeps us alive.. (what is all that about..please..?)
    I hate that you wake up tired and weary yet you can then sleep for hours just to pass the day away.
    I hate that you dont have that special somebody dragging your butt out of that slumber to go ice skating or kite flying.
    I hate that you have endured far too much pain in your short life yet you have many years left to live it.
    I hate that depression has sneaked in under them floorboards an caught you on its rollercoaster.
    Yet I love the way you smile an giggle.

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