Singing In the Rain

I saw my psychiatrist on Friday. A doc I like and appreciate and can tell that he cares. (Most important factor to me)
We talked again about me feeling depressed, lost, sad, anxious. He went through a list of meds with at least 30 names on it, and I’ve been on almost all of them. This is a regular appointment for me, discussing any options, usually no new ones,  for helping the depression and anxiety I struggle with.
But this appointment was different.
He mentioned a newer drug that’s come out and asked if I’d been on it. Amazingly enough, I’ve never been on it. Now I am trying this new med, started on Saturday, and I feel a bit of hope.
Maybe it won’t help at all, but wouldn’t it be great if it DID help? Even to still struggle with depression, but with breaks from the stranglehold it has on my soul. If it just quiets the suicidal impulses. Just helping one of the struggles with my mental health, maybe I could breathe more. Trust more. Be More Heidi.
I am beginning a new dance with an unfamiliar drug. I hope to sing through the rain, rather than having it bog me down and drown me.

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