Loneliness

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Loneliness is something I’ve struggled with for years.  Even when I’m with other people, within moments of getting home, I feel those familiar pangs of “no one to talk to,” “no one to hug,” “no one to watch tv with.”  And I allow myself to feel envious, jealous of people around me who seem to have lots of friends, etc, around…

This loneliness thing is something I’ve dealt with for so long that I feel like I don’t know a way out of it.  I -DO- keep working on feeling ok with myself.  It used to be something I was great at, being alone and being happy about it.  And I am grateful I’m not currently closely involved with any addicts.  I am grateful for my animals.  I am grateful for my friends and family.  And so much more.  But the loneliness lingers.  Sometimes it feels like its smooshing my heart.  People I’ve been romantically involved with have gone on and been in other relationships and marriages.  And here I am, alone.  I don’t know what to do anymore.  Loneliness hurts, it stunts me, it affects my ability to connect with others, it leads me to thinking I am less than others.

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5 thoughts on “Loneliness

  1. I think loneliness is almost always a choice. I am often alone but seldom lonely. Maybe it is preferable to feeling nothing? Maybe I’m not lonely because I know I will have someone coming home to piss me off or try to talk to or just look at. I do remember being lonely when I lived alone… when reading a book or sketching wouldn’t do. I know now that being lonely with someone can be a more painful loneliness then being alone, loneliness.
    I know I can’t judge anyone else’s loneliness or pain. All I can do is love.

    1. Yeah, if I was coming home to someone, if I had someone to regularlly bounce stuff off of…I just came inside crying cause my next door neighbor is having a party and I am not invited. Yesterday other neighbors had a party that I wasn’t invited to. I feel so “other,” that I am partially not human – the part that makes us able to form attachments, share with a neighbor, strike up a conversation. I felt like an “other” as a kid too and dont like it. I need to change more.

      1. When you were a kid you didn’t, couldn’t understand your awesomeness, your uniqueness. But now you are an adult and you can learn to accept and admire yourself, not try to change what doesn’t need to be changed, just accepted.

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