Tag Archives: relationships

Redemption

Once a week I travel to a prison and sing in a choir made up of half “insiders” and half “outsiders.” We practice songs, blending our voices together, sitting in the gymnasium. Seeing people who are imprisoned, sometimes for the rest of their lives, seeing them come and let their guard down a bit, be part of this communial experience is one of the most moving things I have experienced thus far in my life. People that can choose not to try anymore, to no longer try to be “good” come and create and share is profound and painful. Each week is different; joyous, fun, and heart breaking.

Loneliness

1392778744402

Loneliness is something I’ve struggled with for years.  Even when I’m with other people, within moments of getting home, I feel those familiar pangs of “no one to talk to,” “no one to hug,” “no one to watch tv with.”  And I allow myself to feel envious, jealous of people around me who seem to have lots of friends, etc, around…

This loneliness thing is something I’ve dealt with for so long that I feel like I don’t know a way out of it.  I -DO- keep working on feeling ok with myself.  It used to be something I was great at, being alone and being happy about it.  And I am grateful I’m not currently closely involved with any addicts.  I am grateful for my animals.  I am grateful for my friends and family.  And so much more.  But the loneliness lingers.  Sometimes it feels like its smooshing my heart.  People I’ve been romantically involved with have gone on and been in other relationships and marriages.  And here I am, alone.  I don’t know what to do anymore.  Loneliness hurts, it stunts me, it affects my ability to connect with others, it leads me to thinking I am less than others.